Former bullies

We are all the protagonists in our own life story. As a result we often have a very hard time seeing ourselves in the way others see us.

When a murderous gang member goes to a movie in which the hero is fighting and defeating a horde of murderous gang members, who does he root for? I imagine most of them root for the hero and fail to identify with the gang members. Moreover I suspect they fail to even recognize the cognitive dissonance.

If it’s hard to recognize one’s self in a movie, how much harder it must be to recognize ourselves in our sepia toned memories or the memories of others.

There are many adults who were terrible bullies or “mean girls” when they were in high school. How do they think of their high school selves years later? Do they feel bad or are they proud? Maybe that was the most power they ever had and they think of the period as their glory days? Or are they in denial and don’t even really remember how they acted? Obviously it’s different for each person, but I’d be curious to do interviews with former bullies and their former victims to find out just how different the perceptions are. It’s funny to see former bullies and their former victims being calm and mature with each other at high school reunions.

My guess is that most former bullies have (or admit to) only vague memories of their school age behavior and identity as a bully, whereas their victims probably have crystal clear memories of both themselves as “nerds” or “losers” and can probably list any number of specific indignities suffered. The jock remember winning the big game, not spitting on some whimp and daring him to do something about it.

Another thing I’d be very curious to know is how the former bullies and former victims behave as adults. Are the former bullies generally mean to their spouses and children? Successful in business? In prison? Are the former victims now suffering at the hands of cruel spouses, mean bosses and selfish neighbors?

Analyzing the theater of sexual power is the real point of this blog, and I am making my methodical way toward it, so what is the pattern of sexual behavior engaged in by former bullies and former losers? Do bullies become sadists and dominatrixes? Do losers become submissives? My guess is that in may cases this is what happens. Starting slowly in college it begins to become uncivilized to practice naked implicit power, at least in public. Fraternity initiations are a kind of exception but they involve both explicit and implicit power as well as quasi sexual activity.

But between consenting adults, anything goes in the bedroom. All it takes is an open mind or a compelling fetish. So how do bullies, mean girls, and their victims act in this context?

I can only speak for myself. I was the victim of bullying until late in high school and, true to form, I discovered many years later an intense desire to submit to women sexually. I even married something of a former popular “mean girl” years before I really noticed my sexually submissive nature. Lucky for me she was more popular than mean. Though it is titillating for me to fantasize about her tormenting me in various ways I am much better off with someone who loves and cares for me.

Tags: bullying, femdom, high school, power exchange